Comments on: Getting over the affair advice? http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html If You're Going To Do It, Do It Right! Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:20:00 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: FF'n Momma http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html/comment-page-1#comment-1633 FF'n Momma Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:20:29 +0000 http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html#comment-1633 It will take time. Remember you chose to stay, so let go. He chose to stay after your affair, that needs to be let go as well. By that I mean - you still haven't forgiven yourself. You allow it to be an excuse for his current infidelities. A relationship is not trying to get each other back....it's tshowing love and respect for each other. Good luck. LET GO or get out. It will take time. Remember you chose to stay, so let go. He chose to stay after your affair, that needs to be let go as well. By that I mean – you still haven’t forgiven yourself. You allow it to be an excuse for his current infidelities. A relationship is not trying to get each other back….it’s tshowing love and respect for each other.

Good luck. LET GO or get out.

]]> By: pictureshygirl http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html/comment-page-1#comment-1632 pictureshygirl Tue, 20 Jul 2010 19:46:17 +0000 http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html#comment-1632 Hun, you did the right thing to save your marriage. Too many people pick up and leave for any unhappiness they feel. No one ever said marriage would be easy. Yes, with all the good times there will be some pretty horrible times too. As long as you know your man, you know he is a good husband, then you made the right decision on working it out. And it appears as if he is doing all he can to make restitution to you. For now, it will have to be this way, where you will not trust him. This is normal. After all the trust was broken, so hang in there, do what you can do get rid of doubt, even if it means spending all your time together, checking. I say this because with doubt will come no building on trust. After a time you will learn to trust again. There is no time limit but you will. All marriages come with challenges and you were wise to become aware of the fact that your marriage was in trouble. I do not condone cheating but can understand how it can happen. A couple becomes so engaged in disagreements that it takes its toll on the relationship. Get into counseling so that you and your husband can better work on things. Good luck to you and I commend you on your maturity and your commitment on giving your marriage a chance! Hun, you did the right thing to save your marriage. Too many people pick up and leave for any unhappiness they feel. No one ever said marriage would be easy. Yes, with all the good times there will be some pretty horrible times too. As long as you know your man, you know he is a good husband, then you made the right decision on working it out. And it appears as if he is doing all he can to make restitution to you. For now, it will have to be this way, where you will not trust him. This is normal. After all the trust was broken, so hang in there, do what you can do get rid of doubt, even if it means spending all your time together, checking. I say this because with doubt will come no building on trust. After a time you will learn to trust again. There is no time limit but you will. All marriages come with challenges and you were wise to become aware of the fact that your marriage was in trouble. I do not condone cheating but can understand how it can happen. A couple becomes so engaged in disagreements that it takes its toll on the relationship. Get into counseling so that you and your husband can better work on things. Good luck to you and I commend you on your maturity and your commitment on giving your marriage a chance!

]]> By: GUY bein a GUY http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html/comment-page-1#comment-1631 GUY bein a GUY Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:54:58 +0000 http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html#comment-1631 IMO this will be the best advice you will get regarding this situation. Go buy a book, "After The Affair" by Janice Spring. Its about $15.00 and available on Amazon if you don't have a bookstore nearby. This book is written by couples counseling professionals and details in a very clear step by step method of dealing with infidelity. It is written for the unfaithful AND the betrayed. It matters not whether he banged her. The kiss amounts to swapping fluids and violates trust which equates to affair. It is the destruction of trust which is the biggest part. All you describe, needing to know details, his avoidance, all discussed. The most important aspect, REBUILDING TRUST is detailed. Do yourself a very big favor and buy this book and read it. Then give it to him and have him read it. Whether you decide to work it out or give it up this is a huge benefit. IMO this will be the best advice you will get regarding this situation.

Go buy a book, “After The Affair” by Janice Spring.

Its about $15.00 and available on Amazon if you don’t have a bookstore nearby.

This book is written by couples counseling professionals and details in a very clear step by step
method of dealing with infidelity. It is written for the unfaithful AND the betrayed.

It matters not whether he banged her. The kiss amounts to swapping fluids and
violates trust which equates to affair.
It is the destruction of trust which is the biggest part.

All you describe, needing to know details, his avoidance, all discussed.

The most important aspect, REBUILDING TRUST is detailed.

Do yourself a very big favor and buy this book and read it.
Then give it to him and have him read it.

Whether you decide to work it out or give it up this is a huge benefit.

]]> By: Jijji http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html/comment-page-1#comment-1630 Jijji Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:49:41 +0000 http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html#comment-1630 The truth of the matter is that if he slept with her or not does not matter. You both seem to have issues in your relationship since you have both had affairs in the past. I suppose that you can love someone and have an affair but you Truly cant be in love with each other and have any affairs. The guilt of just texting someone else would eat you inside. Since you have both decided that you are going to continue to stay together and continue to work on your relationship I would recommend that you spend more time together. I would also recommend that you try a little more risky sex with your husband. You see women cheat for attention but men cheat for something different. So if sex become ordinary and the same with you he is more likely to cheat although not an excuse. Trust issues is not easy... and it will take time... he can do whatever he wants to show you that you can trust him and still be covering it up with another email that you don't know about, phone, etc etc... You just have to trust him period. It's okay to check his phone every once in a while if it makes you happy... just remember that if there really was something on the phone that he didn't want you to see he would have deleted it sooooo it's pointless... I suppose that the best way to know that a man is into you is by his actions... When a man is into you he calls, text, emails... YOU everyday... he wants to spend all of his free time and more with you... he gets rid of his other friends for you... not unpurpose but because he rather be with you... if he goes to work and is home right from work ready to be with you all day... then you know he is there for you... In a fight you or him should never walk out... never sleep with someone else or at another location... always make-up it's part of being married. You should both vow to each other that you nor him will ever walk out on each other. If you make it throw this you will have a stronger relationship... I wish you both the Best! Good LUCK The truth of the matter is that if he slept with her or not does not matter. You both seem to have issues in your relationship since you have both had affairs in the past. I suppose that you can love someone and have an affair but you Truly cant be in love with each other and have any affairs. The guilt of just texting someone else would eat you inside. Since you have both decided that you are going to continue to stay together and continue to work on your relationship I would recommend that you spend more time together. I would also recommend that you try a little more risky sex with your husband. You see women cheat for attention but men cheat for something different. So if sex become ordinary and the same with you he is more likely to cheat although not an excuse. Trust issues is not easy… and it will take time… he can do whatever he wants to show you that you can trust him and still be covering it up with another email that you don’t know about, phone, etc etc… You just have to trust him period. It’s okay to check his phone every once in a while if it makes you happy… just remember that if there really was something on the phone that he didn’t want you to see he would have deleted it sooooo it’s pointless… I suppose that the best way to know that a man is into you is by his actions… When a man is into you he calls, text, emails… YOU everyday… he wants to spend all of his free time and more with you… he gets rid of his other friends for you… not unpurpose but because he rather be with you… if he goes to work and is home right from work ready to be with you all day… then you know he is there for you… In a fight you or him should never walk out… never sleep with someone else or at another location… always make-up it’s part of being married. You should both vow to each other that you nor him will ever walk out on each other. If you make it throw this you will have a stronger relationship… I wish you both the Best! Good LUCK

]]> By: Tony http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html/comment-page-1#comment-1629 Tony Tue, 20 Jul 2010 17:50:43 +0000 http://www.perfectsecretaffair.com/getting-over-the-affair-advice.html#comment-1629 Trust is trust. You don't get it automatically. You earn it. Or someone shows you that you can trust them by their actions and habits. You had trust, then it was gone. Now you know it's gone and you want it back. The closer the two of you are, the more you will trust each other. Since he has been open with you, he deserves the chance to earn your trust. If you are living with the thought that it might happen again, eventually it will. You might as well go separate ways if that is the case. If that's not the case, you need to recommit your heart to the love you both can have. You must completely put the past away and move on with the desire to love, and trust. SWEET MILDRED IS MY LEADER..CRAWL INTO HER PLAYPEN WITH ME Trust is trust. You don’t get it automatically. You earn it. Or someone shows you that you can trust them by their actions and habits. You had trust, then it was gone. Now you know it’s gone and you want it back. The closer the two of you are, the more you will trust each other. Since he has been open with you, he deserves the chance to earn your trust. If you are living with the thought that it might happen again, eventually it will. You might as well go separate ways if that is the case. If that’s not the case, you need to recommit your heart to the love you both can have. You must completely put the past away and move on with the desire to love, and trust.

SWEET MILDRED IS MY LEADER..CRAWL INTO HER PLAYPEN WITH ME

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