Feeling Powerless to Help a Friend With Adultery?

When infidelity threatens marriage and family friends may feel helpless and angry. It is difficult to console the person who has been betrayed tears. Angry outbursts erupt, they can then be collapsed into despair. Children are left confused. You can help if you: 1. listen carefully, without taking sides immediately. 2. meet immediate needs such as child care and meal preparation. 3. do not promise everything will be fine. It can not be. 4. do not feed the wound or anger by adding your own assessments. The couple may reconcile. 5. Avoid gossip. 6. do not lie to both sides. 7. ask questions to help the process of reflection. 8. accept that the stories will be repeated several times, possibly with some modifications as new information is learned. 9. encourage the couple to get professional help. 10. not get so involved that it hurts your family. Many couples struggle through adultery and learn to build a marriage. They can learn to: 1. restore confidence. 2. communicate openly. 3. identify what was wrong. 4. learn from their mistakes. 5. change their behavior. 6. laugh together again. 7. improve their physical relationship. 8. forgive. 9. set new goals. 10. build a stronger bond involved. If the marriage is beyond salvation, they can potentially: 1. redirect their lives. 2. let go of anger and resentment. 3. accept some responsibility for their role in the breakdown of marriage. 4. need less of your support. 5. mourn their losses. 6. appreciate the good memories. 7. help their children cope. 8. be involved in a new relationship. 9. look back with understanding what happened. 10. have an adult relationship with their ex-spouse. Recovery is a long process. Do not rush and you’ll feel like being a good friend in need and feel positive and strong with your ability to traverse the difficult times of your friend or family member.