The stories I’ve heard are endless. It’s been a co-worker, friend, stewardess, boss, sister-in-law, gym acquaintance or total stranger. The list goes on and on with no rhyme or reason and, where the possibility of having an affair seemed unthinkable one day, it became a reality the next. As fate will have it, this could be with someone you didn’t know an hour ago or you’ve known for years. A person who’ll pass through your life giving you nothing more than an evening’s pleasure or someone who could very well change your life forever. Each of us will be driven by our own tastes, desires and needs. As attractive and tempting as a situation may appear, it’s sometimes wiser not to get involved with certain people. Special circumstances make these affairs not only dangerous to your marriage but to your career and friendships as well. Before examining these situations, I give you 2 rules that must always be followed.

Your lover can give you extreme pleasure or create incredible havoc in your life. The movie which best shows how this can happen has to be “Fatal Attraction”. If you’ve never seen it, please do (and not with your spouse). An affair, even if a one shot deal can turn into a real horror show with the wrong person. The bottom line is that in a quick affair you really have no clue who you’re with. Sure they may be witty, attractive and willing. They also may be downright nuts and you’ll have to take steps to protect yourself.

The greatest fear in any affair is having your spouse find out what’s been going on. While there are many ways this can happen, by you having picked an equally vulnerable lover, they shouldn’t be able to hurt you because of their own situations. If they do blow the whistle, both of you will face the same unpleasant fate. It’s sort of like a mutual insurance policy.

1. Have 6 months living expenses in the bank – unemployment doesn’t go that far.

2. Make sure you enjoy your own company – once the word gets out, your co-workers are going to be afraid to talk to you.

3. Get some good suntan lotion and apply liberally – the stares are going to be blistering.

4. Ear plugs will help – especially when you’re in the bathroom stall and no one knows it’s you.

5. Don’t use skin moisturizers – you’ll end up needing a very thick skin.

If you’re going to fool around with the boss.

Have the affair with someone who’s got as much to lose as you do.

If it’s a quickie, tell as little about yourself as possible.

Affairs are like clothes. What looks good on one person looks terrible on another. With so much written, you can go nuts trying to figure out which type of affair you’ve fallen into and where you’re coming from. Psychiatrists, psychologists and marriage counselors give explanations which look deeply into the psyche of philanderers. If you really care to know how your toilet training affects your love life, either do some appropriate reading or engage a professional to psychoanalyze you. The reality of the matter is that as you’re jumping into bed, you’ll be enjoying the scenery and not analyzing why you’re there.

Advantages of short term affairs

1. It’s just about sex and feeling good.

2. It’s usually spur of the moment which adds extra excitement.

3. There’s no commitment or attachment involved.

4. You can let yourself go without fear of repercussion.

5. It’s the easiest to cover-up.

Disadvantages of short – term affairs

None – if done properly

Affair’s are adventures that should be exciting and enjoyable. Yet, there’s a serious and potentially dangerous side to every affair that must be dealt with. This involves the realities of mental stress and physical disease.

While some people choose to ignore or deny these possibilities, they certainly do exist. I’ve heard stories of people near mental collapse from keeping up a charade for too long and others, upon discovery, suffering tremendous emotional torment. The worse stories are those where sexually transmitted diseases have been contracted, leaving no alternative but to confess what’s been going on.

In reading this chapter, I want you to go under the assumption that something can and will go wrong. It certainly may not, but if you operate under a worst case scenario, you’ll help to avert some very harmful threats to not only you but your spouse as well. I don’t believe that any person in their right mind intentionally looks to hurt themselves or anyone else. Having an affair doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad person. Just an unfulfilled one.

Each part of this section affects you, your lover and spouse. Always keep the contents of this chapter in your mind. It can help save everyone a tremendous amount of grief.

The medium term affair. Setting up the finale

1. Don’t be the one to initiate any meetings.

2. Become less accessible. Use any rational excuse you can as to why you can’t meet.

3. Break meetings at the last minute. Use business or personal problems as an excuse.

4. Make the meetings shorter and shorter.

5. Slow down the sex and the passion. This should be easy to do since you don’t want to be there anyway.

Why men don’t leave.

As previously described, a man by his basic nature will be more immediately outraged and vindictive than a woman. Most men can’t live with the thought of another man having been “inside” their wife. Obviously, this isn’t going to be the case with all men and they too will have underlying factors influencing their decisions. Many of these sound similar as to what was said for a woman.

Financial Reasons – A tale of two men. One discovered his wife had cheated and refused to leave her because of he couldn’t afford it. Another guy in the same predicament, wouldn’t leave because he didn’t want to lose his house and give her half of the money he had. Either way you look at it, money again is the great motivator in keeping him at home.

Family Reasons – Another wronged husband said he wouldn’t leave because of his children. He felt that since he was more of the stable force in the family it was important that he be there for them. Since they were young he felt he had no choice. If they were older, he might have thought differently.

Places & spaces -toys & games

Since your affair’s going to be an exciting adventure, there’s no better way to accomplish this than through the use of sex toys and props. Well, here they are and by using some different tools and manipulating your environment you’ll be able to create an atmosphere that will indeed help you find that sexual heaven you’ve always been looking for. Start thinking how these affair enhancers can work for you.

Places – by picking specific sites where you will carry out your affair

Spaces – utilizing areas within the places to have fun

Toys- using sex toys to increase your pleasure

Games – playing different games to fulfill a fantasy or increase your pleasure

Always keep in mind as you read this that you’re married and having an affair. If you were single you wouldn’t have to worry quite as much about being discovered. For example, elevator sex may seem like a real turn on, but should you get caught, you’re potentially in trouble not only with the law but, if they find out, with your spouse as well. Another problem has to do with hiding the physical objects you’ve used to spice up the affair. As you’ll soon see, you may need a very large safety deposit box or a revolving line of credit to keep buying your toys.

Places that are definitely off limits for your affair

1. Your home – I’m going to say this over and over until the thought of it makes you sick.

2. Your office – everyone in your office loves to gossip. If they catch you, it’s both marital and professional problems.

3. At the local motel – stay away from areas where people know you. What could be even more of a shock is driving into the parking lot and seeing your wifes car there.

Sex games

Turn-on your lover by turning a “bored” game into an exciting one

Strip Poker – Always fun to play. Once one of you runs out of clothes, make a sex act the penalty for every time one of you loses. Don’t make it too good, someone might start losing on purpose.

Naked Twister – If your partner makes the right moves with you under them, you’ll understand why people look up when they’re pointing to heaven.

Sexual Scrabble – Every time you spell out a word relating to sex, your lover has to do it. Too bad fellatio and cunnilingus have so many letters. Do abbreviations count?

Titillating Trivial Pursuit – Mark each special area on the gameboard with a sexual act. When you land on it, you’ll remember facts you forgot twenty years ago and get a “special piece” for being right. Talk about memory enhancement techniques.

Perverted Pictionary – In this case, if you want it you’ll have to draw it for them. It’s true a picture is worth a thousand words, but in this case I’ll be one sex act.

It’s one of the world’s best kept secrets. Well, most of the time anyway. Depending on which survey you read, 15% to 90% of married people have fooled around. The fact is no one knows how much is really going on and, if you think about it, it isn’t hard to understand why. A person who has any common sense will keep their mouth shut and not let anyone know what could hurt them. Never volunteer information.

The “you know you’e ready for an affair” list

1. When every member of the opposite sex turns you on.

2. You know every sleazy motel in a ten mile radius.

3. You fantasize about someone you haven’t seen in five years.

4. Every time someone says “hello”, you see it as a come-on.

5. You ask the stud or babe at the gym if they can properly train you.